Free to be

Harper and I escaped the house today with hopes of going to play at the park.  It turned out to be too cold for much outdoor adventuring, so we went to one of the most stressful places on earth to see if we could spend up a gift card - Bed Bath and Beyond.  Oh geez.  That places stresses me out when it isn't the holidays - I have no idea why I thought it would be good idea to go now, 8 days before Christmas. 

We were there for, maybe, 4 minutes. 

We survived. 

To take up some more time before going home, we went next door to a shoe store. 

Harper was wearing her White Sox snow suit when we came in.  I plopped her down so she could toddle about, and 4 sales girls were instantly ooh-ing over how adorable he was!  "Oh he's such a little trooper!"  "He loves the ladies!  Look at him giving us a big smile!"  And then an older gentleman walked by and said, "Hey buddy!"

I took it all in.  I just smile when these sorts of conversations start.  When I've corrected people before that he is really a she, they feel horrible!  They stumble over themselves, offering apologies and sincere regret for mistaking Harper as male.  If only we had a gender neutral pronoun.

 I could care less.  Harper isn't always the image of what people think a girl looks like.  

Harper in a navy shirt with a collar.  Apparently, this is improper girl attire.

Until she starts telling me how and what she would like to dress and wear, I'll stick with what I've been doing.  She could want to be all sparkles and pink tutus, and that will be fine.  She might ask to wear cargo pants and black shirts.  Great.  Those are easy to shop for! 

I'm getting myself prepared for how the world will try to tear Harper down.  I've seen it with other kids.  I've seen with my brothers and sister.  People can be mean.  I know I can't hide her from it forever. 

It may be clothes.  It may be how she expresses herself.  It may be who she chooses to love. 

Oh.  She wore it with a skirt?  Then that's fine. 

I want her to know she can always be who she is with me.

I'm still pretty shook up by the shooting in Connecticut.  I've been unable to keep myself from watching the news, and unable to keep from crying.  I just don't understand.  And I'm not going to get on a soap box and say what needs to change to keep this from happening.

The only thing I know for sure is the world can always use more love and understanding.  So, I will love my daughter and my husband.  I will love my family.  And I will continue to look at the relationships that are hardest for me, and try to love them too.